Hey Simon,

I was reading your old texts today and for a little while, it felt like you were just here. It’s so hard at times esp when everything comes rushing back.

We did the Relay for Life on the weekend and I missed you so much. You would’ve liked it. I was slightly hurt when some of your friends backed out of it or when some never even bothered responding. But then rest of your friends, my friends and colleagues rallied and we had this amazing team. I wish you could’ve been here to see this and do it with me.

I was at the supermarket the other day and saw some wasabi chips that you would’ve liked. Needless to say, I was a blubbering mess again. I wish I could go to a supermarket and come home without bursting into tears. Such a simple task it is, going to the supermarket. Yet, so integral to a shared life. All those calls to each other to ask if something is needed. All that meal planning. Remember how you once posted to the facebook about my asking you what type of corn can to pick up. How was I supposed to know what corn you needed? I miss that. You teasing me about such things. Me feigning outrage over your teasing. How will any supermarket trip be normal now? They just remind me how lonely I am.

Wishing with my every breath that you were still here.

xxx

S

 

Dear Simon,

It’s been six months since you passed away. ‘Passed away’ not ‘Died’ because in some convoluted way, saying you have died seems too final. As if it’s not final enough yet. I spent first month in a daze, second in denial, third in acceptance, fourth in contemplating suicide, fifth in making plans and sixth in being busy. Nothing works. I still go to bed in tears. I still cry while driving. I still call out for you.

You are wondering why I’m writing here when I talk to you almost all the time. Because it’s easier to put things down sometimes. Because I am afraid world will forget you. Because maybe you will read these some day, some where, in some form. And you’ll know that someone kept missing you.

xxx

S