Simon,

I am so mad at you for dying and leaving me alone. Fuck you.

Fuck you for dying. Fuck you for leaving me alone. Fuck you for the dreams. Fuck you for leaving me with this house that you loved. Fuck you for not being around when I need you. Fuck me for not dying with you. Fuck me for sticking around. Fuck me for complaining about it. Fuck whatever higher power is there for this pain. Fuck universe. Fuck life for being unfair.

Fuck you for loving me so much that nothing will ever compare. Fuck me for wanting company, but not really wanting it.

Fuck this life. Fuck this grief.

S

Worse part about losing someone to death isn’t really losing them, it’s losing them every day. Sometimes you lose them when you wake up, sometimes when you go to bed, when you are out, when you are in. In the beginning, it’s happens 1000 times a day. Then slowly it happens little less. But it still happens. It happens in happy occasions, sad occasions, occasions with chocolates, occasions with people, occasions without people. And every time it happens, you lose your breath and wonder how you are still alive. How are you doing this without them holding you? How are they doing without you? Are they thinking of you as much as you do? Because if you spent so much time thinking about anyone alive, you would most likely be called obsessed.
Miss you and love you, Simon. Always. Xx

Note: posted on FB