Hey Simon,

I have had some interesting months. After that fire, it was discovered that I have clots in both my lungs after ab overnight hospital visit. So started dealing with that. Got laid off. Thanks Covid-19. City went in lockdown, so no friends or family visit. I decided to take little break and focus on me for a bit. Then obviously started to look for job and couldn’t find. Then I had options and ended up taking one of them. I start on Monday and am so anxious about it. I wish you were here, so I could talk to you about it.

It’s weird. I thought people would relate more to being a widow in lockdown days. Sadly not. Now people just focus on their own isolation, not that some of us have been living in a kind of isolation since losing our partners. I’m anxious all the time and unmotivated. I wonder how it would be if you were here. Would we be watching netflix together? playing board games? knocking down home projects? Would you have joined the world in bread baking? All the things, you could’ve been doing, but are not. All those possibilities!!! Sometimes I wonder if you are alive in a parallel world.

2020 was meant to be my year. I was meant to have learned to live ok without you. Your loss was meant to just inside me. Instead, it’s still seeping out of me. I still miss you with each breath. I count the time I have been without you and wonder how long I will stay without you. I wish this would end.

Missing you with breath xx

S