Oh Hey Simon,

Can’t believe I haven’t written anything for almost 4 years. So much has happened in this time. We have been talking, but I think I should write as well. I did manage to find another job in 2020, I quite liked it til the person who hired me quit, and I ended up with someone not so nice as my boss. Though Im still in same place, and just trudging along.

I was finally able to visit my parents when lockdowns ended. Finished my Diploma (I opted to exit the masters with it when University became too demanding about my visiting campus and at the same time switched all units to daytime). Went to china with a friend. Had couple of other surgeries. Got another dog at end of 2020. He’s the cutest. You now have 3 nephews. Your parents moved. Your cousin got married. Your friends are busy having babies as well.

And the biggest news of all, Im playing board games again, and your games are back on. It’s bitter sweet. One would think that after 8.5 yrs, I would’ve learned to be ok without you or would’ve mourned everything we did. But nope, playing board games again, makes me miss you all over again. It highlights the empty chair. It reminds me of the good times we had. Watching other couples playing together, introducing this hobby to their children, makes me miss us. Would we have become one of those families? Would we have formed a common group or would we have our own set of friends? How would our shelf look? So many questions. Never any answer.

And it hurts. Still hurts so much. Organising this event in particular has been opening wounds that I thought were healed. I’m meant to be dealing better with things now, not tearing up while going through old photos to find one of you playing games. or while writing a mundane post like this. I guess that’s what grief is. Never really goes away.

Still missing you. Still wishing you were here.