Your event is back!!! It was a success. We raised quite a bit of money. Your best friend and family were there to help out. Few people promised but didn’t show up. A number of your friends didn’t even acknowledge it which ngl hurt a little. But I guess that is the way. It’ll be 9 yrs this year. Long time for it to be just a memory for them.

For me, it was just yesterday when we were discussing which movie to watch or what game to play. And I just found out someone else lost their partner. How awful! I can’t believe someone else will now know this pain. It shouldn’t be so. Why does this keep happening? And why does other people’s pain brings up mine so badly? Why can’t I be like others and shrug it off?

So many whys? and not a single answer. Except that it’s so unfair. And I miss you so much. And the pain hasn’t lessened, even though everyone kept saying it will. My heart still feels like it will burst. And I’m still surprised that it’s not failed with all this pain. The only organ in my body that works well and the one I wish didn’t.

I guess this weekend just brought up everything close to the surface and today’s news hasn’t helped. I’m noticing that I miss you even more during board game events where people come with their kids and partners. It would’ve been us. That was our dream and now it’ll never happen. One day i’ll make my peace with it. But just not today.

Loving you always. xx